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Chronicles of Ziddiblogger

It was a sleepy Sunday-the lazy drizzly sleepy Sunday of Indian monsoon. Shani, our protagonist, a small time big sized blogger, logged in her facebook account to check if she had some earth shattering news, notification or mails that needed immediate attention… And she was shocked! Something was wrong. Overnight something had changed and she realized what was that something. Her wall! Her wall was filled with absurd requests and tags and posts. Was it some virus like the video and profile stalker, she wondered. It was scarily weird as she scrolled down, scanning the innumerable posts

“Hey friends, this is the link to my post. I have really put my heart in it to make it suck like hell. If you think it sucks, then please vote for me in the Worst blogpost contest.”

Another went- “Hi this is the link to my worst post of my life! Please read it and if you hate it and feel like kicking me then please promote it for the worst blog post contest.”

Some people were promoting their friend’s post.

“Please promote this awful post by my friend. Really, heart touchingly bad. I vomited after reading it.”

“From the genius- here’s as usual another masterpiece of a bad post. Really! Nothing can beat my friend where bad writing is concerned.”

 

Shani’s head was almost spinning. All this couldn’t be true. She hurriedly clicked on the inbox. There were two messages and they would be a good thing to divert her mind from all these.

The first one was from a fellow blogger which said

-Dear Shani, Please promote my bad post and I will the do the same for you too.

She sighed and clicked on the next

She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was from that newbie genius of the E-zine she wrote in – Janjal Srivatsa. It went so-

Dear Shaniji

Namaste. I am sure you must be aware that a contest is being held by Ziddiblogger.in for the worst blog post contest. Though I can never match you in writing a bad post, I have attempted one myself. I will be very thankful if you look it up and provided some pointers on how I could make it worse. I know your guidance will really help

Yours faithfully

Janjal

Shani’s jaw literally dropped. That was enough. She really needed to speak to Chief Saraswati Tarzan.Only he would know what was going on.

Saraswati Tarzan was the brew master in their E zine Chaidukan.com , which was earlier known as… never mind that .It will suffice to say Shani was the co editor over there. Together they attempted to regale those visitors who came to their dukan with a magazine in their hand to have a sip of their offerings.

Thankfully she found him almost immediately in g-chat.

“Tarrrrrrzan” she yelled while he playfully replied

OOOOOooooooOOOOooo wooooWooo ooooo.!

“Hey Boss, what’s this contest about the worst blog post? I am about to go crazy with the absurd requests!”

“Ah ! the ziddiblogger contest. ..You know ziddiblogger, I think? – The forum of bloggers who are adamant about their blogging!”

“Yeah, of course! I am registered there.”

“So are you participating? It’s based on votes and err… I am sure people will be unanimous on at least the fact that you are one of the worst blogger of our times. “

“Really? Do you really think I can write that bad?”

“Of course, Shani! you have a great potential in writing bad, but just one thing, as Chai Dukan is an NCO you have to post your trash in Blogbin, I mean blog your post in… your own blog… Don’t worry I will promote it of course.”

“NCO?”

“Yea!  Non competing organization.  I have transformed it into a NCO. From henceforth Chaidukan will not compete in any contests but will just sell chai at the venue with lots of masala.”

“Eh? I did not get you boss”.

“It’s simple Shani. We will simply be covering their events- like, I want you to cover their Ziddi Sweet meet and write about it in Chaidukan”

“You mean Tweet meet?”

“No,its sweet meet. Since, recently a lot of not-so-sweet incidents have taken place over there, so they have decided to hold those sweet meets which will help the bloggers to be sweet to each other. So this time other than the highest votes they have this new concept of selecting four blog posts with the most original pitches and ask the other bloggers to sweetly promote or vote for them.”

“Wow!”

“Yes, So Shani you better pitch up a pitch soon, submit it online along with your post and also cover the event at the same time.”

“But who will be selecting the pitches?”

“Who else but the Ziddi team members  Funny Ravan , Vinamrata Tarjan and Zombie Boo.  Remember , they will be choosing the original and weird pitches irrespective of the contents. Then in the sweet meet they will call upon the rest of you to promote the favourite post of the four. The one with the highest votes gets to win the pitch contest.  Of course the post and the pitch will be put on the floor in the meet and if anyone objects with valid reason, then the choice maybe disqualified too”

“ Hmm . So you will be coming too, of course?”

“No Shani, it’s your call totally. I can’t really be there. You see I am under the witness protection program about that nasty incident. Remember about the One who shall not be named who threatened our Chai Dukan?…So you have to do it all by yourself?”

“Right away ,boss. That will be exciting. ”

And off went Shani to work on what she did best- write badly

Disclaimer: The story  bears no resemblance to any blogger writing or not writing and if any resemblance is found, it should be taken as a coincidence and the coincidence should be taken with a pinch of salt.

To be continued

Read the second and concluding part HERE


0 06 June, 2011 Wicked Brew June 6, 2011

About the author

She is a Doctor by profession , working in Delhi. Loves traveling, mind games and playing with words… And also the chief-co brewer of GingerChai. She is the chief brewer of some of the interesting categories you see in GingerChai. Follow @manishalsam

View all articles by Mani Padma

30 comments

  1. Dagny

    I liked the ‘pinch of salt’ advice. Giving the whole show away of course. But then that was the intention all along wasn’t it?

    Cheers,

    Dagny

    Reply
  2. Pranjal

    I wanted to be the first to comment on this. Curse my Job!
    But what fantastic post Maniji. Waiting for the sequal… I’ve been reading blogs since 4 years and you stand unmatched!! awesome!

    PS: Dear Readers, in case you don’t remember lesser mortals- I’m Janjal :) :)

    Reply
  3. Prateek

    Hahaha! I’ll believe the Disclaimer and would not “try” to relate your “fictional” event with any “real” incident.
    Will “Chinch Pokli Chamadiya” serve as a good admin name? :P
    ROFL-post

    Reply

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