Dear Old, Dirty Jeans

I love you. You know I do… I really do. I have loved you, still love you and will keep loving you. You have been there with me through thick and thin… you have shared my grief and joy. You cried with me when I did and rejoiced in my happiness… we were inseparable… we were exuberant… we were loud… we didn’t care or in our language- we didn’t give a F.

I still remember how our affair started… 7^th of august 2006- I joined room no 218 in Bhabha Hall of residence, NIT Jamshedpur. I knew this is the start of a new life with all that build up being made up about college life by the people around me- my family and friends but little did I knew this was the start of a whole new affair. You were with me even then but till then I had been at my home… the safe world where parents took care of the every single need- from toothbrush to examination forms. In that safe world I didn’t notice how beautiful and wonderful you were… besides you were not exactly ‘old and dirty’- my mother made sure that any jeans that I wore was not torn or old and neither did she let any of my jeans get dirty… you know how much she cares for me. She gave you to me- all new and fresh as I was leaving for Jamshedpur from my home.

So, I joined the hostel. I had clothes and I’d keep giving them to the hostel dhobi to get them washed. But there was something peculiar about you that I noticed… the dirtier you were, the more beautiful you’d look and it is true to this date- a dirty jeans looks much better than a washed one. It was then that the affair started… it was then that I fell for you. From then onwards you’d be with me all the time. Little did I realize at that time that you were a whole new chapter in my life.

You were with me when in the first year I studiously used to get up at 7 in morning to attend the 8 am classes… you were with me when I came back at 12 to have the disgusting mess food for lunch. You were with me when I attended the sleepy afternoon lab sessions and like the geek who had just passed 12^th standard, kept noting those mundane readings of my experiments in my lab record.

Then I entered the 2^nd year and you, my love, were still with me… I had grown in confidence. I started supporting mass bunk and had also started bunking on my own. You remember how I hated ‘mechanics of solid’ and ‘fluid mechanics’?  I bunked a lot of them, got poor grades in those subjects but as you know we- you and I, had stopped caring for grades… who wanted grades anyway. I’ll live my life in my own ways.

Then came 3^rd year… I was a little anxious for the placement season that was about to start next year and I knew there was too much to be asked for in my preparation for the interviews. But you, my dear jeans, comforted me with the fact that my state was shared by most of the 72 people of my class besides the fact that there was one whole year to prepare and we returned to our carefree ways. You accompanied me when I got up at 10 in morning having already missed 2 classes of the day; I missed 3^rd classes in making up my mind whether or not to go to the class. Eventually I did turn up for the 11 am class and you were with me when Prof D. Patel of ‘production technology’ ordered me to get out of the class. Merrily we went to canteen after that… when you were with me, there was no question of guilt even after being kicked out of a class… such was our romance- we were so much lost in each other that we had stopped caring long ago.

Then I entered the 4^th year- the placement season had started… I too had prepared my bit like everyone else… I was scared and this time you were too. No, my love, I’m not complaining… it was natural for you to get scared- after all you cared for me!! The first two companies to visit the campus for placement were big multinationals- after all it was NIT Jamshedpur. I couldn’t even qualify the written round… I had started to doubt my credentials. I had started to think if I had ever studied anything worthwhile… you were at a loss for words… those were troubled times for our affair- my faith in you had started to falter. But then came the third company- again a huge name in Indian automobile industry and I qualified the written… I kissed you and apologized for doubting your commitment… qualifying the written exam was my main concern and I had done that! Anyways that day as I was preparing for the GD and interview rounds, I had to wear formals- for the first time in four years… you looked offended and you were quite justified in being offended… I don’t complain. But I promised I’d kick the formals away as soon as I was done with the interview… I qualified the GD round, gave interview and was selected… when I got the news I came running back to hostel- it was party time… I kicked the formals away and the legendary romance resumed… it was sweet- as if we never had any troubled times in our relationship. The rest of the final year was fun at its peak… if there was a glass in which you could hold romance; for us, the glass would have over flown. You accompanied me whatever I did and wherever I went… you supported me and encouraged me as I slogged day and night as the organizing committee member of our national level technical festival. You comforted me when I was rejected by her during the cultural fest when I asked her out… “She’s a difficult person” you told me- “not very outgoing type”… and it was only because of you that I moved on.

Everything was going so well- we were cuddled up in each other but then suddenly- the last semester ended!! Alas, I was devastated… the college had ended. There were sad farewells to friends who had been my life for the four best years of my life… you held me in that tough time. How could I ever have done without you my love?

But now times have changed… our romance has to end it seems. Please don’t think any bad of me… please don’t. I still love you and will continue to do so but in a fight of stomach and heart- the stomach always wins. I had seen this coming since last one year but I was too afraid to tell you… but now I don’t have any option. I have to tell you. I am entering the corporate world darling- for me it’s the easiest way to earn bread for self. And the corporate doesn’t espouse much to people desperately in love with jeans… it prefers people in formals. No, I don’t like the formals… I never have and I never will but still I have to wear them. I have forcefully been married to the formals… it’s not a choice that I have made; it’s a decision that the almighty fate had in store for me.

In fact when you see from my side, you’ll feel- those four lovely years of love were never mine… those years were something that I had borrowed from the almighty. My heart bleeds in telling you this but that borrowed time of love has ended and we have to part our ways.

Hope you forgive me,

With love,

Pranjal