Santiago the shepherd roamed free, living a life which others would envy,
His life was simple until he saw a dream – of the Egyptian Pyramids which was location of the hidden treasure,
but he took his mind off it as he doubted if searching for it would give him any pleasure.
This was his mindset until he met an old man, a man who was a king, who told Santiago that following his Personal Legend to its conclusion is a person’s only real obligation in life,
So Santiago embarked on the journey, one which could lead to much strife.
On the way he lost his interest,
in what he had thought to be a great conquest.
Hence he halted and worked at a crystal shop, made a good sum, changed his mind and continued his quest.
Joining a caravan, he crossed the desert, gradually listening to his heart, understanding the Soul of the world and how in it he fit,
And then in the oasis he found Fatima, his love and he told her all about himself , each and every bit.
She asked him to follow his dream,
she would always look at the oasis and wait for him.
So off he went in search for the treasure,
along the way he had many adventures, heard that “When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person realize his dream” and learnt lessons for good measure.
He reached the pyramids thinking his journey had come to an end, started to dig for his buried treasure, when a pack of thieves showed up, robbing him off his money,
they asked him to keep digging for the treasure, while one of the thieves told Santiago that he too had a dream- a dream in which he saw the location of the hidden treasure, under the tree where shepherds sit, but he laughed off when Santiago didnt find anything even after digging for a long time , finding the whole episode funny.
But it was later that Santiago laughed hard, when he thought about what the thief had told him, which he knew was a clue,
The clue to where the treasure actually lay -a place where he used to sit in his shepherd days, under the tree where the gentle wind blew.
After a journey of many days he reached the place from where he began, started to dig under the tree trying to find the treasure, but to his shock found nothing, which made him wonder if he had made a mistake in unravelling the gist,
But what he didnt know was that Fatima had found the treasure before him, afterall, unlike him,
she had read the book “The Alchemist”.
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Story ke Gist,
Kahani mein Twist!!! (:rotfl:)
:evilgrin:
Kahaani mein wonderful twist
:) :evilgrin:
I liked it totally
thanks
Firstly, I think your story needs to be longer – I thought it was building up well, just like fairy tales, but to me the end was a tad disappointing.
Some sentence constructions needed improvement and or rephrasing.
If you originally thought of having the twist in the end then the story premise needed to be a bit more balanced.
As a reader I got the feeling you suddenly concluded the story not knowing what to write further.
Hope to read more fascinating stories by you in the future.
i wrote the whole Alchemist and just the place where the book ends i added the twist. but thanks for your comments
@ Gyanban come on leave my kid alone!
on a serious note, thanks for the guidance. @ Gayatri hey it was beautiful. He is just fine tuning it n he is good at that. Cheers! 
thanks Mani. :cute: no problemo.
Was this a story or a poem, or a Storoem?
it was a pory
Me loved it many many.
thank you thank you