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Marriages are Made in Heaven?!

marriages-are-made-in-heave

The person who said “Marriages are made in Heaven” must be shot dead…and with immediate effect. I am not the only female who holds that opinion. My notion of a marriage was a romantic affair. I believed that we know the ONE the instant we set eyes on them. After a decade of being under that romance spell, all I can say is “Balooney!”

Age 21: Oh, this is a wonderful age. You start with the feeling of being one with the universe. The world is under your feet and the hassle of studying just eased up. You are left free to make some choices and enjoy solitude with an ice cream Sundae or a good movie. Yes, that was Heaven for me. And suddenly, it began disappear. Aunties of all ages and sizes began to feel concern (jealous of that carefree status).

What about getting her married?” they asked…to my mother, brother, father, uncle, aunty, grandma, servant, dhoodwala, and God alone knows who else. And there ended the Heaven I experienced after years of toiling on book after book. Before I knew it, the parade was on.

The tall guy with the geeky parents, the stout guy with the heavy qualifications, the doctor with the ABCD behind his name, etc were all among the long line that stood banging on our door in hopes of being my better half. I stood rooted to my room wondering where and when the Made in Heaven part would click. After long consideration, one lucky guy qualified for an interview with me (the traditional Pennu Kannal-seeing the Girl). There I was, looking and feeling hot in my sari (pun intended) ready to meet my other half.

Tall Guy: So, you speak English well, kya?

Me: I hope so, since that is the language I am speaking now…. (Moron)

Tall Guy: What is your future plan?

Me: Well… I…

Tall Guy: I want to have a wife who looks lovely, cooks well, loves to have children and takes care of me and my family. She must be a career woman….I won’t stop her from going to work….I think women must work or they will be bored.

Me: (Translation in mind) Wife must be beautiful, a chef, have reproduction capacity of a rabbit and be an efficient home nurse. No servant provided for the above duties and must earn a living.

Tall Guy: Did anyone ever tell you that you look beautiful? I love women who wear saris.

Me: Dozens, join the club. (I answered dryly)

Tall Guy: Truly, you are a Black Beauty.

Me: Thanks…

Tall guy: My mom says I am too simple. I am a gold medalist and earn Rs.XXXXXXXXXX. My car is an Audi imported from….blah, blah, blah…..guess am too simple, na?

Me: (Nod Nod sleepily)

Tall guy: So do you like me?

Me: (Smile) Oh, I think Mum is calling. Cominggggggggg maaa.

Verdict: If that was my better half, please hand me a double barrel gun….no, I am not committing suicide. I am just searching for the idiot that said” Marriages……..”@#!?

Age 24: Independent, working woman, stubborn and not ready for any Marriages that are made in heaven (for me), but willing to attend those made for others. Now, the whole neighborhood is talking. Everyone has a brother, nephew, cousin, son, friend or relative who would be perfect for me. Bowing down to the pressure from my grandparents, my father permits a couple of suitors to come by. As luck would have it, two of them were scheduled to meet me on the same day and due to the monsoon season, one of them decided to come in early. This meant seeing the both of them at the same time! The result was well known in all circles of my family. My father took a quick decision and split the family into two. He, my brothers and I along with my uncle and his family would be stationed at our grandparent’s house to meet Suitor #1. Mum, my sister, my uncles from my mum’s side and their families would be at their house which was close by; to meet Suitor #2.

Suitor # 1 came in with his parents and the first thing everyone notices is that the boy’s mum has the biggest mole ever seen, on her nose. More like a grape on a muffin. To top it, she gave me the once over like I had algae sticking to my face. I had an irresistible urge to rub my face but held my hands to my side after the warning stare my father gave asking me to behave. So, the coffee gets served and the boy meets girl.

Boy: Did any one mention that you look beautiful?

Me: O…thanks (I might as well bat my eyelids while I am at it!)

Boy: Such pretty eyes!!

Me: What is your ambition? What do you see for our future?

Boy: Am an engineer. I am into animation….you know like Shaktiman…the action and all. I just love it. After marriage….well, I have to ask Mummy. She can cook well. Those cutlets, are they home made?

Me: Eh… (My brothers are sneering in the background and I can hear my aunt gasp and mutter a prayer …)

Boy: I love food, don’t you?

Me: You appreciation shows. (He was built healthy and his mother was stout)

Boy: What about you? What is your ambition?

Me: Eh…

Boy: You must give my mum the recipe to the cutlet. Do you cooks? You are a good listener.

Can we chat by email?

At this point, a thud was heard. I learnt that it was my aunt who fell over a stool in surprise.

Verdict: Neither the stool nor the suitor stood chance is surviving the interview.

In the meantime, Suitor # 2 arrived and the parents were inquiring on me. This is where Mission Impossible happened. The parents of Suitor #1 must not miss me while I see the next suitor. And the parents of Suitor #2 must not know of the other suitor.

Picture this: I smiled my way into the kitchen, while my mother was outside waiting with my sandals. I ducked for cover under the heavy foliage in front of the house, sneaked though the garden which was slippery like a thief, prayed that I would not land on my backside and ran bare headed into the rain. A van stood discreetly behind the stone gates with a door half open waiting to whisk me off to another prince charming while the queen with a mole and Mr. Shaktiman chewed away on the tasty cutlets. On reaching house #2, I sneak through the back gate, wash my feet, straighten my hair and walk in to serve coffee only to have…..Suitor #2  tell me,  “Did any one mention that you look beautiful?”

Half an hour later, a repeat of the same process, except this time I am back to wish Suitor #1 good bye! So, if you are wondering how I got married….that is a whole new story.

Verdict: I am sure that the disclaimed for the saying read:

* Conditions apply.

**Subjected to parading, blah-blah, tasty treats, Mission Impossible skills and HOT saris**

0 07 July, 2010 Anney's Musings July 7, 2010

About the author

Born and brought up in Abu Dhabi and roots in India, Anney has a streak of funny genes that could make you forget day’s tension. She has reinvented her writing passion and is here to delight us with her flavour.

View all articles by Anney Thomas

32 comments

  1. Sid

    heh heh heh, good one… so you married suitor number 2? o_O

    your narration is hilarious…:P good one.

    I am completely against arrange marriage, my parents should see the girl I marry only after she is preggie, not before that and I am determined to keep it so. :P

  2. Rumya

    :rotfl: Excellent post!!!
    Another 4 years (approx) and even I would want to know the man who said ‘Marriages are made in…&#$@!! ;)
    Loved the tone in which you have written it Anney. It flowed from one incident to the other so beautifully that it kept me engrossed till the last word!! :)
    This is one good post which I didn’t want to see ‘The End’!!!
    Double Thumbs Up!!! :D

  3. vadakkus

    Hahaha hilarious! :rotfl: And yeah, I totally agree with you. Not heaven! Nonononot even hell! Oh and if you think the ‘suitors’ have it easy with all the ‘pennu kaanals’, think again. I went through such a hell lot of them that by just drinking it I can now tell which part of central Kerala the tea comes from! :snicker: Well, almost.

    Anyways, waiting to hear how it happened!

  4. Gyanban

    Anney your wonderful post triggered a thought –

    I was just wondering, what are men supposed to say or do while these so called arrange meetings happen ? Reverse the situation – you think like a man, well try to, and role play. See how tough it is . While I agree there are jerks in both sexes,who either flaunt money/education or beauty/money [mostly papa’s] in the name of a conversation. But mostly, it has to be regular usual stuff isnt it ?

    Just to play the devils advocate – what does one talk in those meetings ? Will you be impressed if someone talks about global warming ? The socio-political travesty of justice for the zulu tribes? Or would a conversation about Main Prem ki deewani ke saath bhagyi, the latest Bollywood block buster be of interest?
    You certainly wouldnt want to listen to how we bear the work pressure or an irate boss. Neither would you like to have a conversation about why Shiv sena is different from RSS ? Or may be Quantum physics…

    I guess you ladies get the drift.

    I believe, there is no Mr.perfect or Miss right. – so why chase or look for one? that certainly doesn’t mean you settle for jerks.The idea is to strike a balance and get real. Unfortunately there is no scientific mechanism to determine the right fit.The truth is that Marriages by default are a gamble. Whether arranged or not. once you sign on the dotted line that s when the story begins.

    Maybe look for a friend in a person, and assess if you can or would like to, work on the relationship on a long term basis.

    If it works, great – if it doesn’t – move on.

    1. Anney

      Hey! Hold your horses..this write up was about the guys who has no clue where the train was heading. I did meet a guy who had his head firmly on his shoulder…stay tuned to find out on him…:)
      Gyan, this is my opinion, a simple and honest discussion would be nice. Whether the Zulus or Shiva sena is in the conversation :P. It would also help if the guy read body language well ;) This is a collective opinion from the ladies … catch my next write up to understand ;)Cheers!

  5. Pranjal Srivastava

    hahaha… this was funny… lekin don’t make it gender specific, i’m 22 and despite of being a boy i’m being subjected to questions of “when marrying?”. wtf!! recently i attended a cousins marriage and everyone of my family told me- “you are next in line beta”. i felt like i was standing in a queue to be auctioned off!!!

    1. Anney

      I know the feeling…I can actually say “Been there, done that” and smile instead of wincing :P

  6. journomuse

    Haha, Anney, I hear you…I so know what you describe. I have been on the wrong end of matchmaking for five years now,I’m still ‘untamed’. ;) I have such funny emails with me, you just inspired me to turn it into a post, just that I might have to serialise the ‘escapades’. thankfully none of them actually reached pennu-kanal stage thanks to the popularity of email and my hyper hectic excuse of ‘busy at work’ :)

  7. Bragadeesh Prasanna

    That was hilarious. And thanks for the warning for what not to do while meeting a girl. Will follow that. By the way, when is the whole new story coming up??? :) It was a great read.

  8. Anney

    @ Everyone – Thank you for that comment.
    @ Karan, Phoenixritu, LP, Swathi, Gayatri & Billy – Culture does make us do strange things…..:)
    @ Sid, Mani, Bragadeesh – Wait and watch (:shy:)

  9. Mary

    I was waiting for each and every next line with bated breath… Yes, I really would like to see a write up on what “suitable” men feel in such situations!! They are also part of this game-

  10. neetu

    really its fun ,but its true and i am agree with that words marriages are really made in heaven,someone is also wait for me anywhere,i dont know i have full faith in heaven , thatswhy i trust the marriages are made in heaven,shadi sach me baut khoobsurat hoti h,jisme humko pyar,nafrat,ashirwad,sacrifice,sab kuch milta h.par hum har kisi ki soch nahi badal sakte,jaise koi meri nahi badal sakta,i love marriages.neetu parashar(neetuprashar4@gmail.com)

  11. Chinnu

    I recently came across an article about the similar debate of whether “marriages are made in heaven?” You can go through the below article.. was quite interesting !!!

    Title: Are Marriages made in heaven? !

    Shyam was very excited about his marriage being fixed. With all joy, happiness and expectations he lay on his bed dreaming about his to be wife and their life after marriage… And, eventually dozed off.

    In that blissful moment, God appeared in his dream. Shyam got so delighted seeing God. God spoke to him : “ You must be knowing that marriages are made in Heaven, I am here to greet you a very happy married life. In accordance to the same, I can grant you any boon you ask for. Ask me whatever you feel, can help you lead a very happy married life.”

    Shyam was all the more thrilled about this offer and decided that he had to make the best use of it. So, he started to list.

    Shyam: Well, First and foremost I want my wife to love me to the core as now & forever till death.
    God: Great! Is that the only thing you want?
    Shyam: Not only that. I have a big list. She has to appreciate me and support me always and help me achieve all the success in my career and my family. She should know me from head to toe and empathize with me when any decision has to be taken. She should take care of me like a child, listen to my problems and be a good companion to nurture my interests and talents, be health conscious, take care of me & my family members and be loyal and honest with me. Above all she should tolerate any of my mistakes or when I am in mood out/sad, with all the patience, she should guide me in the right path with an ever- smiling face. She should know whatever I like and always keep me happy with sweet surprises and lots of happy moments.
    God: I am happy that you have understood the essence of marriage. I shall grant you this boon provided you answer right for my two questions:
    Question1: Do you possess all the above qualities you asked your wife to have?
    Shyam: Well… not all. But, yes I possess at least half of it.
    God: All right !!
    Question2: If you have to entirely cultivate all these qualities completely in you, how long do you think it will take for you?
    Shyam: I am sure that if my wife is given all these qualities, it will not be difficult for me to reciprocate.
    God: Shyam, it will not be fair and right on my part to give you someone who is full of love when you are at times hostile, or a person so caring and understanding when you are at times selfish or not ready to empathize.

    Marriage is a lifelong education. It is where you and your partner make adjustments and aim not merely to please each other but to be better human beings. A perfect relationship cannot happen overnight. It is a lifelong pursuit.
    I cannot give you a perfect partner because you are not. However, I will give you a partner who can grow along with you all the qualities you are looking for and become the PERFECT SPOUSE you wish for.

    The secret of a happy married life is that, it has to be a team work by both of you to fulfil each of your expectations mutually. As it is rightly said:” Be to the other person as you would wish them to be to you”. So is the philosophy of marriage too.

    If both of you understand this and work towards grooming yourselves, the PERFECT relationship will be achieved in a very short period of time. But if one of you is not ready to bend, it has to be the responsibility of the other person to keep showering their love so that the reciprocation happens some time. However, if both are not ready to bend, it is not the marriage that gets broken but the relationship. That is where the essence of marriage is lost.

    Shyam: I understand that I have been so selfish in expecting only the other person to bend when I had not even considered grooming myself. This is indeed a wonderful insight that helps me understand that I have the sole responsibility to create the happiness which in turn will be reciprocated by my spouse and other people around me.
    God: Absolutely. It is true that marriages are made in Heaven. But, Perfect relationships are not made in Heaven. They are created on earth over a period of time.

    1. Anney

      Chandrika…I am sorry to hear about you marriage. I belive” Perfect relationships are not made in Heaven. They are created on earth over a period of time.” Relationships take a lot of work and need time and patience to grow. If you can take life with a pinch of salt and understand that no one is perfect, you should give your relationship a chance. If your husband is able to receprocate on the same thought, there is a good chance of being happy. I for one am aganist domestic violence and abuse. Be well and take care.

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