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Women and compliments

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What’s with us a woman? Why do we constantly need morale boosting, I wonder? Whether its a little girl of 7 years, a confident career woman at 30, or a mature woman at 50, we can never hear enough “I am proud of you” “You look beautiful in that” “Thank you for supporting me” “Thank you for taking care of me” “You are doing a great job”.

I was at a cousin’s house the other day. She has two children; a girl aged 10 and a boy about 4 years old. The girl was busy drawing something. During the course of the visit, she brought her drawing book to be admired. We praised her efforts. The little boy looked at her work and like all brothers laughed and rubbished her efforts. The poor thing had tears in her eyes, her world totally shattered. Angrily she said, “My drawing is good” which was replied with “No it isn’t” It all degenerated into the classic “Yes it is” and “No it isn’t” slanging match. Her father came in, was called to arbitrate, and said sweetly “Of course my love, your drawing is beautiful“. The smile on her face was ecstatic. Her father, the main man in her tiny life, had praised her efforts. She was in heaven!!!

My daughter in law will put on a dress and then spin and dance in the living room. While she is spinning she says “Look at me, isn’t my dress beautiful!” She is the classic independent, confident, grown up woman but there is a little girl deep down spinning around saying “Look at me, tell me I am beautiful”.

The men in our lives should know that they need to affirm and reassure their wives and daughters. If they don’t build their women up and make them feel safe, someone or something else will fill that hole. We don’t want TV or a magazine telling us what is beautiful or trying to fill that hole. The longer we wait for the man in our lives to start telling us that we are precious to them, the longer it takes for us to be fulfilled. It is really our souls that have been poisoned with insecurity – for all our lives. Doubt and worry are our constant companions, “Am I good looking enough?”, “Do I look fat?“, “Am I a good cook/home-maker?” “Am I failing at work?” “Am I good mother?” “Am I a good wife?

Hey men, whatever might be the response you get to your compliments, please keep on at it. We need your encouragement to boost our morale.

0 28 June, 2010 Diaries June 28, 2010

About the author

A keen observer of life, a working parent. She is also an aspiring writer (fantasy is a preferred genre). She writes so that she can sound off her ideas without driving her family insane with all the ideas she comes out with.

View all articles by Ritu Lalit

21 comments

  1. Anney

    Ritu, I agree…It feels great to have someone say that u look great or just plain u are so lovely….Welcome to GC :)

    @LR: U are a nut from Day 1 :P

  2. Sir Pumpkin Lonshanks

    I wholesomely disagree! Complimenting a woman has left me alone, single and ugly! (scratch the ugly part out). But when I treat them with disdain, they come flocking like bees to the beehive. :kissed:

      1. Sir Pumpkin Lonshanks

        In that case I guess I’ve only met alpha-women. Not the type who are insecure and need to be complimented! :snicker:

  3. Pranjal Srivastava

    i agree with spl… i have tried complimenting… in my case the girl was like deaf to compliments… she seemed to hear that i had asked her out but din’t listen that i had given her honest compliments too… thanks tak nahi bola x-(
    that disdain part i’ve never dared try though, nor do i intend to…

  4. Alka

    Already Mani boosted my morale by mentioning my name in Tea-light saga though am just a reader here :cute: looking forward to more articles ritu :)

  5. Mani padma

    Hi Ritu! Great to have you here in GC . A Warm Welcome from all of us. A nice issue you have put up here. I had expected some arguments here. ;-). But I think even males need approval as much as we do. Its another matter that they don’t admit it.

  6. A

    I disagree with this post. Both males and females like compliments. I think by writing this post you are in subtle manner looking down at women. Sorry that is how I feel.

    BTW, I am a male.

  7. Anney

    Here is a view…. women who like compliments are looking to be appreciated coz it is a basic instinct :). Men are just the same. I have yet to see a man who does not wish to be appreciated. :P Generally, you would hear a woman sympathise, empathise and appreciate more than a man…

    @ SPL from the sound of it….u have been turned down by quite a few (:wilt:) (:lashes:)….did u say insecure women….man, u just asked for a healthy dose of knuckle sandwichs….(:evilgrin:)

  8. Purba

    Not all women are attention craving lunatics!! Let’s not brand them.
    My family is full of strong willed, beautiful women who care a damn about compliments.

    It all stems from self esteem doesn’t it?
    And it is criticism that eggs women on.

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  10. muks

    Hey Ritu..Very well written..I do agree with A that women and men both like compliments. I don’t think anybody have experienced man trying out 10 different things and for each and everything dress he wanted to discuss it color ,fabric ,design or will it go the saddles or shoes which he has his shoes rack or it will make him look fat or too jazzy or too sludgy :roll: or too boring. My point is Women always likes think on each and every small thing and also wants assurance ,appreciation and vote of confidence for the choices they make. It’s their natural behavior and being women I am not an exception. That doesn’t mean we are attention craving lunatics. It just like gesture they like accept which gives comfort feeling. :beauty: I nothing bad in that.

  11. Garima

    Ya..agree – sometimes a boost and most of the times assurance that we are looking for!
    But, one thing for sure that a woman without appreciation would still carry a relationship but a man on the other side would transform in the most in-secured beings :razzmad:

    Anyways,
    Dear Men,
    When you didn’t think before loving us, why are you pulling your hairs for spitting two good words about us :giggle:

    1. Sir Pumpkin Lonshanks

      Men love women out of necessity of propagating once species. That’s alls there to it. Don’t go about telling yourself different.

  12. obamistake

    Compliments are great…I just wish more women could accept them at face value instead feeling the need to analyze the whole compliment or focus on one particular word or phrase or period of time.
    For example:

    “You look great in that dress honey.”
    “Oh?! So I only look great when I wear this? Don’t I always look great?”

    Just accept the compliment as genuine. Otherwise the guy may become very frustrated with the constant analyzing and skimp on the future compliments.

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