I need a vacation from vacation

No handout to the coolie at the airport who decides to take your luggage hostage unless you pay him Rs. 500 for wheeling the trolley to the exit, all in a span of 15 minutes. Isn’t this part of his job profile??!

No extras to the driver who is already paid for the trip to the airport and back. What is the tip for?? Coming to work or giving him work???

No more purchase of lavish gifts from the gulf as you would inevitably find someone was offended by the sari print/ material/ perfume smell/ gadget/ etc that you gifted them with love and care. The general comment would be ‘Aunty got a lovely sari/ perfume/ jewellery but since am not close to him/her I got this low quality stuff’. Of course, if you brought them something from India…they would be offended again, this time ‘Aunty got stuff from the Gulf. I am not considered good enough for that type of gift…’. This is when one puts up their hands and look up to the skies for help.

No more handouts to the innocent looking, scrupulous,  neighbours/ relative/acquaintances  who come around every year asking for donation for their house that needs repairs, children who need education (since the last n yrs) and all sorts of medical problems that you can’t name but they will have. We have the same needs too, anybody interested in helping us?

No more discussion on trips planned after years of scrimping and saving to nearby hill station or foreign countries as this would definitely mean that some needy person was earlier turned away and not given a handout because ‘you were selfish ‘ , ‘wanted to enjoy yourself’ and  was ‘ without any concern to others who are suffering around you’. Good God!

No more visiting the meat shop, vegetable shop, textiles, etc without a local relative to haggle as in their absence you will be charged a hefty price as you are from the GULF. The last time we checked we didn’t grow money on trees!!!

No more shopping that requires you walk from shop to shop, haggle all hour long only to find out that the same item was available in a shop next door at a cheaper rate.

No more offering of more than one meal to uninvited guests who drop in on the pretext of seeing you and don’t leave. The usual routine involves two days of feasting and shopping at your expense. There has got to be an excuse to throw them out after one breakfast / lunch.

No to people who feel you must be woken up at 5 in the morning for a healthy living. Wasn’t that what you did the whole year so that you could sleep it off for one month?

No to well meaning folks who feel you must stuff yourselves at meal times which are just three hours APART! Think of your poor stomach people!

No to spicy curries that are tasty. It could burn a hole in your stomach and your A**.

No to Good Night coils that keep away no mosquitoes.  You look like you have come down with chicken pox the next morning coz there is a limit to what the coil can do.

No to agents who sell LIC, Fixed Deposits, Bank Loans, Resort timings, Chitty schemes, business ideas and God alone knows what else! For crying out loud, I am a pauper by now.

No to relatives who consider it an offence if you don’t  visit them by travelling hours on a bumpy road with babies, irate children, rain and luggage. We are suppose to enjoy the trip not endure torture.

Yes, every year one packs thinking, enough is enough and then we reach the airport and the coolie hijacks our trolley and luggage…. need I say more. Maybe one more sentence…..

I needed a vacation from VACATION!!!